Yesterday I had my first appointment with the midwife since Perry died. The last time I had gone past the Vanderbilt football Stadium was with Perry strapped to my chest as we hustled away after a game. The last time I had opened the door to the office, I was carrying Perry.
After a short visit, she rushed my off to the imaging office. I felt like she was as ill at ease as I was.
Well the good news is that there is something there.
The bad news is it is measuring a week behind and the heart rate is slow, 80 bpm.
So we go back for a follow-up next week to see if things are progressing or if it is bad news again.
I judge it to be 50/50 odds.
Katie,
ReplyDeleteThere are so many Bible passages that I've come to love since our lives became so different. One of them was spoken at Perry's funeral. Please don't think that I'm throwing Bible passages at you to try to fix things. They seem to work better for me if I'm the one that found them...not someone else who thinks that they sound good. Thankfully, God knows what we need. He is faithful, and He continues to carry you.
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them !" Psalm 139: 13-17
Another favorite passage of mine is...
"As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother's womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things." Ecclesiastes 11:5
Two years ago, I read a devotion that brought me comfort. I'm going to look for it, because I continue to need His Words for strength. The devotion talks about how God created everything and He knows what He is doing. So why is it so difficult to trust Him then? There are so many times that I wish I knew what His plans are for me...for you and your family. His ultimate plan is for us to live with Him in heaven forever. God created this baby for you and your family, and He will take care of all of you through this.
As you continue to trust in Him, I pray that His will is carried out in your lives. As difficult as it is to accept His will, especially when we don't know what today or tomorrow will bring, this is how I pray.
I no longer jump up and down for joy or yell "Congratulations!" when I hear the wonderful news that someone is expecting. When we're expecting, we expect to bring a baby home from the hospital and share our entire lives with him or her. In my content little world of complete oblivion, this used to happen to our family.
Thank you for sharing this journey with us, Katie. I'm praying for you with a guarded heart.