Sometimes as a society I think we become so 'enlightened' that we actually begin to deny basic truths. In some instances the reasons behind the denial is good intent, but the truth just sort of bubbles up.
I think one of these truths is that genetics does matter. We have hid it because we don't want people to be chained to the past and we want to accept children fully regardless of origin. Which are both wonderful concepts that should be accepted.
But the truth is that when I look at my children, I see myself and my family. My son was a little bit of everyone that I love. The literal joining of two people. I felt like not only did my son die, but a piece of myself, my husband, our parents, our grandparents died that day. It's a strange thing because in todays society you are supposed to say that all this doesn't matter.
The reality is that every person has two ways to keep living in this world once they are gone. The first is the ripple effect, and sadly some people do not produce a very big wave. It is not only the achievements but how you cared about others and made them want to be better people. I think here is where adoption and choice of bringing friends into your inner circle matters- this is part of your ripple. If you can pass good things along you still live.... but sadly some create waves of terror that echoe through generations. Sometimes perhaps a person does a little of both.
The second is through your genes. Yes I said it. But in a very real way your personality, facial features, and health/ pschological characteristics go on. I think this can be good or bad for obvious reasons, but also because of how people treat those who are or aren't related. It's become taboo to acknowledge because of rejection by others because you weren't 'their blood' or the extreme of genocide.
But it is real. Don't reject the truths that are good because of the bad.
I miss my son. Because of who he was and who was part of him. It was no mistake he was named after our two favorite men in our families, Perry (my husband's father) and my Grandfather Bryce. It is a whispered hope that this child will embody them and live out the best of both men. It is also a hope that this child would carry them forward. You want them to continue to live not only by that ripple but to hopefully see the physical part staring back at you.
And when he died we all died, even those who still breathed.
I feel like a very real part of me is buried wth my son, like part of me died before the rest of me. You can't see the missing limb (genetic) or the hole in my soul (ripple), but it is there. I feel like I have seen my own funeral and watched my own body descend into the ground.
I never really felt this before in all of my losses. The natural order let me whisper that they would live on through me. Instead I see an end where there should be a brillant future. He was supposed to be my ripple, and instead I am now his.
And I feel sadly inadequate at times to live large enough for both of us.