Sunday, September 9, 2012


This isn't an easy post to write, and I need to warn you that today will not be uplifting... just scary. So you know now, please stop reading if you can't handle it.

Everyone has started having nightmares again, and here are a few of my own.

We find this house in Brentwood, but my family that I am a part of is not my normal immediate family. They are different people and there is no Emily or Chris. It seems perfect- a decent size on about 2 or 3 acres in Brentwood. Trees surround the perimeter and the house is set in what looks like a field of tall grass. The inside is imaculate, but the yard hasn't been tended and it is part of the field.

I am walking and a large golden dog starts circling me and drawing me away from the house. The landscape gets a little darker and it is like the brief respite before a tornado.

I follow the dog and he leads me about a mile down the road. We take a right onto a gravel path that looks like it is leading into another field. I look towards the right and suddenly realize I am in a graveyard, tall while stones line the  right side of the road. The dog stops and circles in an area.

In the space of a normal plot there are five stones all close together in a neat row. The ground is not freash but it is not old either, it is slightly irregular from the flat soil around it.

As I read the names and ages, I learn that it is two parents and three children. I suddenly realize that this was the family that lived in the house.

2nd dream-

My son is dead again and I am about to go into the service. A female person who is attending the service asks me how his corpse is. I tell him rigor mortis is setting in and she nods and says 'Good'.

This time the service isn't in a church, it is in a small room- perhaps in the mortician's business. There aren't a lot of people there. Perry is in a coffin but it has a clear lid. As I stand there someone starts his Eulogy, it is impersonal and I realize someone from the funeral home is talking. I look into the coffin and Perry's body is jerking. As if he is dying again, but I know he is dead but somehow still afraid. I reach down and stroke his head while everything continues and I keep whispering it is ok for him to go.

Everyone knows what is going on but they act as if nothing is happening.


  1. Katie, there are people out here who feel so much for you. Many of us, myself included, have not experienced what you did, but we have cried many tears for you and thought often of your son. I have never met you or Perry personally, but you are both in my heart. I know this doesn't make much of a difference, but I just wanted to let you know. I am so, so sorry for what you have gone through. When you feel that you are alone, please remember that there are many people in the world who truly do care. Perry was such a sweet, happy baby - I feel like I knew him and so I miss him.

  2. Katie Girl- I want to copy and paste the previous post. I don't speak or write well and deal with grief and heartache with jokes. But believe me when I say, I think of you, your family, and Perey often and have shed many tears. I wish I knew what I could do for you. I hope you know that.

    1. You can cut and copy if you want to. I'm not sure if my blog is effectively dead or not. BTW I miss your Mommy blog... loved looking at all your Molly pictures and adventures.

    2. and that is "Perry" not "Perey". I hate using my phone when typing things. It is hard keeping up with all the social media stuff and the blog just kind of went away but, my intent is always to do a journal, there is the awesome company that will download your blog and make it into a book. I did tha the first year and it really is a nice journal. I should just stop with facebook already and just keep "journaling". Hope today is a good day for you.