February 16, 2013
Finally set up a crib today. It's the one we used at Mom's house. Couldn't get Chris to agree on anything so I made him get it down (he has a huge mental block). So it takes up too much space in our bedroom, but at least there is a place for baby when it gets here. I cried as I cleaned up a couple spots of old spit-up (Perry took a nap in there at Mom's house before she brought him home). And this is stupid, but I took the sheet off the old mattress and can't bring myself to wash it yet. Strange to be happy and so miserable all at the same time.
I am just trudging through mounds of stired up memories that make me remember all the good and bad with Perry. I was looking at the results of the baby's last ultrasound and found myself disappointed. I realized it was because it was obvious from the measurements that this is a new child- huge noggin and average body versus Perry's small head and super long body. Consciously I know this is a new baby with its own unique fate, but subconsciously I think I am still looking for Perry so I can bring him home and wake up from this nightmare. My house is also regaining some of that baby smell (from diapers) and thoughts just flood me. Simple things like making sure I have enough disposables for trips in each size (no 2's- because of how hard I tried to use them up before Perry outgrew them). Finding a swim bag with diapers for Perry. Getting rid of the bed where I last nursed Perry because Chris always felt bad that Perry didn't have his own room and is making space for a nursery.
I also get a lot questions regarding family size. I guess I am just so spectacularly huge it is an instant topic of conversation. I tell people that I have two children and I hear so many comments about how brave I am to have a third. I don't say much, because it is true. They just don't understand the extent and the why.