I was having another one of those days, another Mom at compassionate friends was talking about how wonderful it is that her child's organs are still alive in other people.
Here again, regret. This was not possible for us, and I really wish it had been. I wanted something good to spring out of all this sadness.
The meeting was good, but I left feeling a little battered. It feels like someone has lanced a wound. Necessary, and much better for it later, but still pain mixes with medicine.
Then I found this link (ironically through a birth message group I got on when I was pregnant with Perry- I almost deleted them from facebook but paused and read one last post first ):
I researched further and found information that women who have heart attacks or damage during pregnancy or after sometimes have healthy new tissue with the genetics of their infants in the area that was damaged. There is even supposition that maybe this tissue could also explain why Mom's brains actually grow in certain regions while pregnant.
And a bit comforting.
I let my mind wrap around it. Perhaps there are many of these cells- Perry's, Emily's, and the others, still alive in me. I carry bits of my children within.
I wonder how much more science will uncover about our bodies. How much more they may never even learn.
It definitely makes you wonder about people who describe pregnancy as a parasite in a host rather than a relationship. And yet here an embryo or fetus begins to give back, before even birth. I think of the twist of fate- that some women who have aborted children may have their hearts literally healed by them without even knowing it. Perhaps they were saved from permanent brain damage after an accident (is this why women have better outcomes after brain injuries?).
Maybe this is what we are called to do in life. Give even when we are rejected or when life takes away what is most precious to us.
I know life is never as simple as portrayed. But how wonderful the hidden complexities can turn out to be, even if we do not know about them or want to.