Almost 5 months you have been gone
about as long as you lived
I want to blame
or know why
but nothing will bring you back.
People begin to say nothing
perhaps they think I should be over you
or the awkwardness is too much.
I find it harder this week than in the past month,
your loss seems raw today-
perhaps I know that you are gone
no platitudes can fix that.
Only faith gives me hope,
but it is so bitter to find you in faith
instead of my arms.
You were my son,
the one who smiled
when others around you
cried in self pity.
You were the only good change
in years of stagnation and disappointment,
you showed me a bright present and future.
All that has changed now.
All the silly things that seemed important are back in line,
but my bright star has burned out.
The room is even darker than before
now that I know what should be.