Thursday, May 17, 2012
Today I also received an email from oriental trading company referring to the catalog they sent to my house for supplies specifically for a 1st birthday party. At times like this the feelings flood back, the sense of the enormity of the loss.
I can't really ignore this day, but at the same time you can't do normal. Cake would go uneaten, and there are no happy pictures. It is hard to celebrate the beauty of a wonderful little boy that I feel privileged to have held in my body, arms, and heart without remembering the bitterness of an abrupt ending to our time here together. We have faith that this is not the true ending, but trust as simple as a child's, that you need to believe it here on earth without tears is hard to keep sometimes. The world is so willing to break it. I see the trust I want to have in my Daughter, her easy acceptance. And everyday I see how even her simple faith is challenged (a boy telling her she had no brother in heaven- did he mean he didn't trust she was telling the truth or that it is not so?).
So his stone is our picture. We want to believe that the angel does not cry because he knows this is no ending. It is a rebirth, a metamorphosis. Perry isn't afraid, perhaps this is the world he has just left behind before his brief travel here, or perhaps he recognizes with an innate knowledge that he is returning to the hand that formed him.
But as always, we miss him here and pray that God will let him know that he is loved beyond measure by those yet to join him as well as those he is surrounded by.