Monday, September 22, 2014

Feeling Seperated and God Musings

Lately I have been struggling a lot with feeling separated from God. The odd thing about it is that I am probably putting more effort into my relationship than I have in times past when it felt very immediate. I try to pray more, at least two times with personal prayers and frequent smaller prayers from requests or thoughts of other people that pop up randomly throughout the day. I have tried breaking out the Bible and listening to Christian radio.

And I wonder why is it that when it feels like I need him, he seems quiet?

I wish I could say this is isolated, but it seems that a lot of parents that have lost a child go through this. I wonder sometimes if it is even for a purpose, maybe to say "this is what it would feel like if you didn't have me, so go out and share". I don't know. I have prayed for my heart to be changed, so that if it is me I could remove my road blocks. I have prayed for things to become clear.

But it is quiet here. No convictions or obvious push.

So if you are reading, I am asking for God to speak to me again. A nudge or a hand of comfort... just something.


1 comment:

  1. I have heard the quote "When you are going through something hard & wonder where God is, remember the teacher is always quiet during a test."
    I'm not sure that is completely true, but I do know that it seems like he tests my faith again & again. Sometimes I wonder also if I expect too much. A part of me just wants to SEE - I want to just SEE his spirit - I want to have a significant dream. I want to have a major spiritual experience like I've heard so many others have. But I don't. And I guess that's where faith steps in and I just have to keep on keeping on, trusting. Knowing deep down that He loves me and watches over me, but his revelations & inspirations are given in His time. It's so hard. And I hate that feeling of separation, too :( Hang in there & know that he loves you, too.