Saturday, November 2, 2013

Little Things Terrify You

As a child loss Mom, little things terrify me now.

Last night we tried to place Paiden to sleep in his crib. He cried for quite sometime, so I took him out.

The frightening thing was that once I took him out, he breathed in big gasping breaths and arched his back. He wouldn't be comforted by being held or nursed (and my little guy is a voracious baby). He rolled and crawled in what appeared to be discomfort when I tried to calm him by laying next to him for a bit. I had a few terrifying minutes where I was trying to decide if the gasping breaths were from the previous crying spell or something worse. I have read so many parents write about babies dying in their arms, only arching their back for a moment first. My mind wondered over the possibilities- gas (not usual for Paiden)? A simple fit (not normal as he would almost always forget instantly if alliowed to nurse)? A cardiac arrythmia (how does a baby present anyway, they can't exactly clutch their chest and say their heart is racing)? He wouldn't open his eyes.

Chris tried to take him into the other room with the thought that I'd go to sleep, but I couldn't sleep. I eventually wandered into the spare bedroom.

About 30 minutes later he settled, he opened his eyes and gave me a big gummy smile.

My husband's theory is that the velcro on his diaper was somehow to blame, but in any case, I was incredibly thankful to wake up this morning and see the motion monitor blinking.

He woke up shortly after, which created its own set on new problems, but I can only say we were both happy to have our normal Paiden back.

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