Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Pictures without Perry

We face a dilema many people do not.

What to do with an incomplete family picture. For formal ones you can set a picture in the back, those who know understand, those who do not understand will not see it. A smiling baby boy- perhaps the one where he is jay bird naked and just photoshop the front part for a nice photo.

But the ones that kill me are the going to Walt Disney, family event type ones. I can stand the pictures of just Emily (wouldn't she have had some of just her anyway?), but the ones with Chris and I a swell feel false. This is not my family as many who see it assume. There is more to it than this. I hate any photo of us in it without Perry. With a blind shredding sort of hatred at times, with a knock you down crushing loss in other moments. Neither makes me want to buy it or put it up.

Not sure what to do really. I almost bought a large locket with a clear front for Emily, now I wish I had... some way to keep him in our photos. He is always there anyway, just in our thoughts now. I want something so we can post these pictures without regret. A way to show today without feeling like we are somehow removing him as time goes on.

We have this timeframe where there is almost a blank book, a lack of photos. We need it to come to an end, as this time flies too quickly (I realized this as I came to recognize that we may be picking Emily up from daycare for the last time in a few weeks). But we need to do it in a way we can remain true and with a complete lack of guilt. Joy in the present shouldn't have to be tinged with sadness, but yet I recognize it is unrealistic to pretend and not address it.

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