I just received the call from my pediatrician.

Perry's Autopsy results are in.

Here it is. The fear, the grief comingling. The feeling of not wanting to go in but having no real choice. If I do not go it will always hang over me... probably will anyway. At least we will not invent new horrors in our minds.

So sometime tomorrow the nurse will call to set up the time for the afternoon. It will probably be towards the end of the day so we will not have to wind through a waiting room with blury eyes.

What will it say?

In times like this all you can do is pray. Hope that my pediatrician is guided to use words that will help settle the hanging cloud. I wonder if he prays as well? What goes through his mind? Does he even remember his little patient?

Oh God give us strength.